sky-rocking house captain who cries victory

ive been opening the same blog, staring at the same old blank post and leaving it just like that. ive been doing that for a week now. it seems like there's nothing much to write when you are situated here without an urge to gossip about anything. well i should just make one anyway since i promised you guys to do so. monday is shockingly horrid especially when the college is re-accentuating preps for IB students during the night. i couldnt say much as majority of the seniors preferred to nod in agreement rather than to stand up for whats right. ah seniors. just dont comprehend them.as usual my disastrous tongue began to mumble words of disagreement. anyhow tuesday was the closing ceremony of the college's sports carnival. yes and they made me run in a marathon. so i ran. i ran so hard that my head couldnt care less about the subtle life i'm living in.i reached the finishing line but it was worst than any of the marathons ive been through before. and believe it or not i'm in yellow house. i laughed the first time i received the message ''cikgu buat lawak eh? urmmm rumah merah ade kosong tak?'' haha. my attempts were to no avail as expected. and so i met my new house captain, a senior only eighteen years of age with sky-rocking hairstyle only god of fashion can describe how weird his hair-do is.i have to say i was impressed at first though his profound, distinct appearance reminds me of tyler.he is a good captain with supertalented skills.he should be absurdly devastated to have such a pemalas useless member like me.ive been sleeping all this while during those long weekly meet-ups.sleepy lah. just so you know belle he was from mrsm langkawi. i know youre smiling at the moment so dont worry just take your time. the college is inviting new faces from the juniors for the student representative council election. its not what you think. no no no damn no i am not running for any posts. i think thats about it. oh and dont read any of those sekolah berasrama karangkraf mags. its berserkly important so stay out of it.btw i am so fat now. fat i tell you. i dare not put any pictures because its too flabbylous and m afraid you wont recognise me by first look. do take care of yourslef in sunway. do your physics thing with style.

..Whaimy-phobia..

i'm not in the mood of writing..at all :(

but since qyna begged me this entire freaking week..yeah qyn, i'll find something interesting to write on. in a short while, i'll have to switch to my "cheerleader" mode as the basketball competition is about to start. "that person"needs my support...i guess?? haha. " good luck, mrW !! *wink*

well, like arine said, this semester is damn hectic. tonnes of work, assignment to do..and not to forget econs+physics+math tests coming up next week. i sure do need a break. so, i'v signed up for a physics trip and all thanks to dr.foord, we'll be in sunway lagoon this sunday.hooray! but there's few tasks that need to be completed there. not a true relaxing visit after all. still, out of this secluded forest. hehe :p ouh, i forgt to mention earlier, i gt a new physics teacher! quote christina "..the physics god has granted our one tiny wish.." totally agree with you, dear. a fresh start is what all of us need at the moment. with my rusty brain, i do have to start picking up the stuff that i left during the 3 weeks break. really, really need that.

urmm..don't have any idea for my ps yet. what should i write??i have to start writing..fast, my name is about come up on the list. all this ucas thingy really bothers me a lot. universities, referee..and of course,PS. i wish i have more time. being an 18-month-er, i guess..time runs quickly. sometimes, i just couldn't catch up with it. "laughter is the best medicine.."said ms madeline during my ielts class this morning. so, i'l laugh more and love less..oops..cn i actually do that??naah..both are equally good as remedies :)

besides all the stuff above, i just got a reply letter from my petbro along with sweets. aww..i have to admit, quite impressed with his vast knowledge on sports and musics. *a not so good first impression during the house meeting*-vanish from my mind*Puff*. adorable person i must say. ewe.haha. as for my petsis, she always replies quickly. no problem so far.

currently, at basketball court. garnet is fighting against topaz. no point of having me there. maybe when he's playing, i'l go check the game out. after being a stalker for a moment just now..'i cn see him from my chalet area' hah! he is one h-t dude! seriously, no kidding. i love all his shirts and nice tie-s. dressing wise-i give him an A+.biased, indeed i am. anyways, it's only a crush..'nothing more, nothing less'..full stop! plus, he barely even knows me. not expecting more than that. (bluff??). we just have to wait and see :)

p/s : he makes my heart stop pounding..

love, belle

Just Breathe : )

Im alone at the chalet staring at the "cadar-less" matress at the common area, and hearing the blazing music from my room. The blog seems a bit "life-less" nw, guess when Qyna's not around, its really..different. Couldn't help thinking how so many things have changed this second semester. More hectic, more work, more expectations. "No, I can't find the rewind..lalala" from breathe 2am makes me think. Yeah, sometimes I just wish there's this rewind button in life, where you can prevent some things from happening. I used to think so at least. But I guess without the rewind you learn better. and at times it makes you treasure certain people..a lot. its like..when you do mistakes, most people would just leave you with yourself to handle it, only few would come back no matter how dissappointed you make them. Huhu.
And what should I do now? "Just breathe..." haha. yeah, my laptop chose the right song for the right moment. hehe.
There's something haunting my mind these days. Ever felt when you have to struggle to keep at par with two different lives? And there are times when you wonder if this is really who you are. Sometimes you wonder if you're just fake. But then I know for sure..Im just..afraid. haha..funny im admitting this on the blog..and there's the people dear to me that I just can't dissappoint. If not...they'll just........leave. And so, Im still here at the junction of choices, wondering if I ever made the right one. Its not as simple as it sounds. Trust me.
And everytime I read Mansfield's stories, I couldn't help wondering of why I never had the guts to say "no" or rebel when the right time comes. All I could do is..shut my mouth and hear. I just don't have the heart to be stubborn and decide for my own life what I want and what's best for me..when I know that the reason Im having a perfect life now is not because of me alone.

"And yet, being a woman, deep down, deep down, she really does expect the miracle to happen"

-Katherine Mansfield :)

the best pau in tg malim : )

Thought I'd be spending a whole saturday at kyuem finally. until suddenly mama calls "im coming at 3" I'm like "what?" right. she misses me a lot. correction: she misses luqman a lot. ceh. and like kakak, kakqilah and abang tagged along. hahaha. bet the house is kinda quiet without me screaming at luqman occasionally, playing pranks on me. or the loud radio. or the sound of the guitar playing.
But they ended up having only me joining them to tg malim. luqman had to attend some program. tasted the best pau ever in the whole planet! huhu. and the best chicken chop ever! imagine, mama spent more then rm 80 for five ppl eating pau. and one pau is like 1.30. gler laa..:) its sad bapak's not here. he's in harvard nw, for some course under the scholarship of bnm. haha..i didn't knw tht ppl almost retiring cud get scholars too. but we knw exactly wht he'll bring back 2mrw. Harvard tshirts! yeay! haha. i think i shud make a collection of university tshirts. huhu. but weirdly, no matter which part of the country he goes to, the design of the tshirt will always be the same.
after lepak ngn luqman, abang dropped me by my chalet, and i continue eating pau with belle and shen. f.y.i qyn: i am suspecting that a lot of ppl have a "confined interest" on belle. :p haha. she's been watching one tree hill since last night, because she wanted to watch nathan..who reminded her of u-know-who. :D
speaking of belle. i think i shud wake her up nw. and shen. i think the whole idea of having the matresses outside increases our sleeping hours. :)

breathless is better without that gay shane ward moaning in it

she climbed puake's partition to make her puake happy.indeed she climbed many partitions. she wanted to make all of her friends happy.

lalalalala. this sucks. my parents and ray are having a tennis tournament at this very moment and here i am in their oh so cool cafe writing this post. good luck guys i will be here eating and cheering from far. m a useless crap. such boring day should i say. all is the same since i left uem college. ive been going back everyweek eating the same cream puffs and drinking the same lousy lemon tea and sitting at the same mph corner and browsing the same posh shops without thinking of buying any and watching nau waving goodbye as she went along with hariz and waiting at the same pathetic coffee beans for mama to fetch me. damn. m not doing this for another two years. oh and ariff (a brother to nashreen cum new college pal) his mom plans to car pool with my dad until the end of our semester.what is it with parents and their so called plans nowadays? its tarnishing the cream out of me.well lets just see how it goes.

dear arine

wow.new lit teacher?too bad its a woman.i was hoping for a really hot british bloke. haha.and do tell yaya that i will miss her craziness in class.that girl needs brain adjustment without me around to yell at her (: dont be too dried up arine.i am actually glad i took lit and that jc dude is the reason why i took it at the first place.anyhow my mattress? whats so horrid and ghostly about the chalets? oh i forgot our place is a little bit kuno. i wna hop around the mattress too. that was our dangdut and karoake disco spot. gee. and say hi to adik ''hot'' luqman for me.oh another thing. i dont eat dinner or star gazing or ''with you'' discoing anymore.its not the same without you guys.

dear belle

i am still in shock mode.so youre over with whaim and youre aiming for his friend? wo. thats classic man.anyway you have my support form far.either way you will get what you want. if and only if you dont go for that gay guy of yours (:

dear puake and shen and vee

thanks for your long splendid advice.i reckon how devastating india can be from your point of view.and go go bully juniors ok.puake i really wna watch house season three now if you dont mind. hee.and do take care of the two dudes i put on my door.i think theyre still on thumbtacks.and listen you can always don the monkey with some garments and call her 'qyna yang teramat lah comel' if you want to. wee.

too late to call it "new"?

writing this while waiting for belle to finish showering. haha..shen said "tunggu belle mandi umpama tunggu christina mandi dua kali" haha...thts shen..not me :p just came back from ustazah's house. she just got herself a new baby girl. she's so cute. and her name's meaning is "the one who completes"..hehe..
life have been hectic. haven't the time to write here for so long. but now here I am..:)
KYUEM seems full of strangers now, soon to be known. new students, new teachers, new classes, new timetable(soon) and new environment. it's fun having a brother..but when your friends says he's hot..hmm..the heart would just stop for one sec. haha. but it's funny though. i'd get mama smsing me every night, asking if he's okay and all. she didn't even ask about me..(sedey tul ) hehe. but i guess she misses us a lot.
and yeah, there's the "celebrity" moment when the juniors surround you for your sign. haha. and meeting some familiar faces that you just don't expect can be well...funny sometimes. and yeah I have the standard question when ppl ask for the sign. and it ends with, "don't call me kak, we're the same age" :)
and yeah Qyn, the new Lit teacher, is like..the total opposite of Mr JC. ^_^ she has a high level of energy and exposes us to the works of a feminist. it's dry without u, dear.
and because we've been hearing freaky stories around the chalet area, we've been pulling out Qyn's matress and mine to the common area, for two or three nights already. huhu. but then the good thing about it is, after class we'd just walk one step, and immediately lie on the matresses. best gler. esp when the air cond really keeps the place cold :p
gtg for dinner..BYE

i put on some flabs when i am stupidly sad

i am a junior. i am a fishcaking fruitcuping kebabing depressed junior.

i compounded my sadness and all i get was a pool of tears at the end of the conversation.the long phone conversation by my best butts.the usual six. puake, belle, shen, arine, vee and me only this time i was on speakerphone.ive shrinked into a techno voice system you guys. sheesh. dont worry sayang you guys will be fine.superbly fine and make sure to bully the juniors for me. haha. though i think shen might not have the guts to do so (: i want to be there.i need to be there.fuc lah.

WE are BACK

&

we're

seniors

p/s:

belle is soo gay

arine is soo yeaay

shen is soo beh

christina is soo X-rated

we farking love and miss you, QYNA! =)

most popular folk parody duo is qyna and him

i hate dentals.sakit hell.shit lah.owwwwwwwwwwwwwww bangang bangang bangang.i need something to distract me pronto.so i said why not i write a post instead? lets see i think arine has a severe problem.you are clearly attractd to kids and you look mother-ishly mature to be a mom.remember the time when dr f tagged us and one of them came up as ''arine looks like a mom'' well it is true then.unlike me.im an immature raccoon who listens to she's so hot boom and watches flight of the concords and gazes on indian medical surgeons (thinking of how they are too deep-set to be clasically handsome) well i have to be mentally prepared for india.triple sighs.anyhow m sure you are eager to go bac to college.at last after three weeks you and sub can see each other again.well as for me i am still opting to stay there but i guess i can always dream and i can always ''imagine'' being with you guys. i met a friend yesterday whos currently in a college in uk under petronas. wow her and boo me.i am a born loser who eats meiji panda biscuits and writes disgusting post in her joint blog.and on top of that what ticks me even more is the the fact that my mom and my brother made me search for a guy named afiq in college whos a brother to ray's friend.urm do i even look like i care? no. turns out his name was not afiq after all.well i dont have adequate time to be devotedly curious about his presence in this world.i have loads of stuffs to do like eating grass or astroturfs in space or building a funky sequined spacesuit. oh or doing my homework. until then guys.

love is like a roll of tape

its real good for making two things one

but just like that roll of tape love sometimes breaks off before theyre done

another way that love is similar to tape (that ive noticed) is sometimes its hard to see the end you search on the roll you search on the roll with your fingernails again and again

again and again and again

so belle and arine dear,buy more cellotapes in case youre short of them in the future (if uu know what i mean) haha.

when you talk different languages

Lets go to the tailor, I want to make your baju kurung for kakak's wedding. mama's call showered me with utter boredom. especially when i'm playing this computer game with Luqman. it'd take no time. i dragged my feet and followed. reaching the tailor's place, i shut up hearing mama discussing the best style. they look at me for my opinion. and all i said was "nak baju kurung biase je boleh tak? taklaa segan nak pakai bebanyak kali" as expected, they went on discussing, my point is irrelevant. huhu. i can't even picture what they have in mind.
out of sudden i saw a little kid crawling from beneath the table. she pulled my sweater. u like it? i asked. she muttered some words in mandarin. right. i take that as a yes. yeah, i think she's about one or two yrs. her feet got stuck in some plastic bag. let me help, i said. and she stared at me as if i'm an alien while i removed that plastic frm her feet. she crawled to the door with a view of the road outside. i looked at the two women in front of me, deep in discussion, and i silently went to sit beside that little kid. she pointed at a couple walking together outside passing by, muttered some mandarin words and laughed. people in love, we're just to young to understand right?, i said to her. haha, she won't understand, i bet. but then she listened to what i said so attentively and nodded. she muttered some more words. soon, i find myself actually having a conversation with a child who just learnt how to talk, and we're actually talking two different language. she commented on every person passing by, and listened attentively to my comment, sometimes nodding, sometimes shaking her head. if i make a joke, i'll laugh and she'd laugh too. Haha. Interesting. I even get to teach her this game of who-hits-the-other-person's-hands-first. Man, i like to see her laugh. she's so cute.
she was laughing so loud that mama realised i wasn't there listening to the discussion anymore. i was so afraid mama might scold me for being impolite, but her smile melted mama's heart. fine, play with her if u want to. i taught her how to high five for the first time. we make a great team, i told her. and she nodded. she's one smart kid.
suddenly she pulled my hand towards some table where she showed me her treasures. haha..big legos. right. she directed me specifically to pick up each piece and discussed with me how to put them together. she pointed and muttered mandarin words again, and i go, taklaa..camni lagi best. and when she disagrees she would shake her head so seriously. haha. fine, u're the boss, i said. when every piece is finally used, i clapped my hands and offered another high five. she muttered some words again. she dissappeared under some other tables again. yeah, i guess she's bored with me already. no hard feelings. she's just a kid. as i stood up to go back, i heard she called me in some way. haha. she was searching for one missing piece. she found it! yeah!
we put that last piece together and high fived. she laughed again. i smiled. time to go, mama called. yeah, and i heard the tailor called that little kid, "mady-ha". i was like, wo, never heard of such chinese names before. when i said bye2, she went and kissed mama's hand. when i offered my hand, she made this dissappointed face and held on my sweater, giving this don't-go look. but yeah, have to leave anyway.
in the car i told mama, she has a weird chinese name right. like "mady-ha" mama laughed. her name is madihah dear. huh? how come a chinese got some islamic name as like a name? mama laughed. she's frm china, her parents are chinese-muslims, her mum works there and her dad is studying in uia. haha, we had something in common after all. turns out mama left her bag at the shop we had to turn back. i ring the bell and waited for someone to open the door, and guess who saw me first? my smart little buddy. she ran excitedly to the door. her mum unlocked the door and immediately she pulled my sweater, so that i had to sit beside her. her mum laughed. do you know each other? she asked me. i laughed and nodded. we'd meet again someday buddy, but i have to go,i said to her. i know this is stupid but i think she understood what i said, cause she let go my sweater, and gave me a friendly handshake. haha....right, today i made a great friend who is very well...little? :)

Life For Rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...

flight of the concords

''i am sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl with a kebab''

sorry for not updating that much guys.i am so busy nowadays and my life is in a puddle of stepped cupcakes.let me see.my brother ray is back.thanks a bunch ray for the dvd ''flight of the concords'' its killing me already. and he mentioned a couple of times of being classically handsome now that he is an official mat salleh. oh and the us accent? its bloody classic.i am into bloody british indies and that explains i am accentuating bloody british accent too. sounds stupid. anyhow now he can play the guitar with me singing jason mraz i'm yours beside him.suara katakku ini agak merdu katanya. then there was rugby between mckk and the so-called super kacak star on saturday. so off we went to ipoh to see my kedot bengot who's playing rugby for his school.pretty impressive that they lost tho.i wasnt at all surprise about the result of the game.but then my kedot bengot did his best and we were very proud of him.cherios little brother.then there was bowling between tkc and mckk.and as usual my mom and i? we suck hard.no fair lah.i wna be a boy and be in their mckk group (:

Man. I intend to stay awake tonight to finish Malaysian Studies, so that I feel that it would be worth it to watch Hellboy 2 tomorrow. Haha. I wonder if i'd survive. In the failure of finding infos, I settle down on writing another entry. :)
^_^ days have been unproductive. Totally. keep telling myself to study, but i ended up watching buffy, (hey, that rhymes). yeah. i'm nt even halfway thru season 4, i wanna watch until season 6. u knw something weird? a lot of ppl actually populate my home these days. in the mornings it will be filled by these construction workers that never stops drilling, and at nights there's ppl visiting.
i guess lots of things have been bothering my mind. like there are a whole lot of things awaiting that i feel like just running away from, but i know, no escape. and then how i need to cope with a lot of stuff. and the past on the move of invading the present. it's not harmful btw, just I dunno, weird? and then next in list, this insecurity feeling that keeps popping frm nowhere. and yeah, i tend to react and assume a lot. assumptions can be damaging. possibly because i just don't get myself these days. i mean, yeah, i dunno what's missing in the puzzle, so i can't find the remedy.
but hey its not all rain and no sunshine. huhu. there's lots of sunshine, and i have no space to complain. i mean i laugh a lot, really. i mean, it doesn't suck that much from it used to. there's a sanctuary that keeps me away from stuff stated above. haha. i guess that's the gud thing of not walking your own road. you don't feel that terrible when things go wrong, or if u have a feeling it would.
i guess i hv this fear in me i don't understand. maybe i just need to figure it all out. and maybe a good night's sleep might help. Haha. I know. I'd forget about all work and play until Hellboy 2 ends 2mrw. then i'd think of struggling through the heaps of work i should have finished by now. :) okay. so what now? I'm going to bed after Regina Spektor's song ends.

Just Let Everything Fall In Place..

I dreamt that I was shot and left to die. That woke me up. I ran downstairs. "What time are we going to the airport?" Luqman and kakqilah stared at me blankly. "Now?"
"AAAAAAA! Why didn't u wake me up?" I ran upstairs. By the time I'm halfway through, I heard Luqman's voice calling from downstairs, "Tipu la! " teruk gler...dah laa org baru mimpi kene tembak, pastu tipu orang pepagi. Haha. Takdek keje tul bebudak ni.
We were to send Dek Yah to bandung thatday. She's the first to go overseas in the family. Everyone was there. I think most of them were kinda sad, but Tokwan starts with this funny questions I think from his kampung. But haha, at the end when she was going in the departure area, I started seeing red eyes over here and there. "Macam satu kampung hantar die.." I heard some stranger said. I was standing quite far frm there thanks to Balqis who keeps pulling me around the airport.
This time I let her, cause then I wouldn't think of the sadness coming silently in me. haha.. Like, Dek Yah is one of my closest cousins ever. The 1990s trio. Haha..funny. Everyone was like screaming her name until she vanished from sight..the superstar moment. Hehe. Can't imagine when my time comes. If it ever happens. The touching part? This week there were fights here and there, but because we're letting Dek Yah go for a very long time, everyone came back together. I see Tokwan smiling a lot when all my cousins surrounded him, I mean, we miss him when he went away. and even little fairuz gave this 1 minute + kiss on his cheek. Haha. maybe that'd made him think twice before going away again.
But I got some flu and a cold that very same day. and the rest of the day was sleeping. Huhu.
Now? Feeling better. With that 2330 curfew last night. Yeah, fine. That works. Although I spent quite sometime staring at the ceiling before falling asleep.
I guess this week will be finishing all the abandoned homeworks. so..gotta go!

when life becomes a something like a soap opera

u know what soap operas are like? u just have conflicts happening from all the unexpected angles. and the weird part of it? when it is supposed to be ugly, all that came about the family discussion is

"Name a mammal that is larger than a whale?"

haha..i'll let u guys to figure it all out.but figuring it out can give you good or bad effects. Good: it can be a therapy to chuck out all the things bothering out of your mind, but then the bad effect? u'll be so annoyed when u know the answer with all the troubles u've gone through thinking.

"their city, their rules, no prisoners.."

just finished watching narnia for the fifth time..i guess. i still strongly think that king edmund is way hotter than prince caspian. his acsent is such a turn-off. as for high king peter, who is always the one to shout "for narnia, for aslan...". i find it pretty amusing.haha. but i salute his brave-ness and he too, is considered H.o.T. sorry caspian, "it will never work because i'm 1300 years older than you".among the best break-up phrase evr. oh dear, enough on narnia.

enjoying my holidays. soo not. stuck at home 24-7.haih. at least i gt wimbledon to accompany my unproductive days. i'm soo into tennis rite now. somehw, i realised that tennis dudes are damn good looking. it's not just bout the looks, but tennis hs caught my attention. quite interesting, maybe i should start playing it.hehe. we'll have to wait and see;p a big fan of rafa, novak, andy murray, gasquet, and of course fed eX. devastated; all the top4 seeded for womens didn't make it to quarter final and so did novak, plus gasquet. shocking year i shall say. but i still have high hopes on both asians; zheng and tanasugarn. hope they'll get through it. wimbledon roxx!

last sunday, i went to visit my mom's bestfriend's son at sunway med centre, with my mom and sisters. at the car park, something caught my eyes. thers a car with damn cool stickers. christina, you'l love this one dear. suddenly, reminds me of mr h--. sad. we won't be seeing him, he's pillowy b--anymore.haha.lets just say that the man needs to study at a place far-far away from our secluded forest.

p/s : xtina hun, go buy the same sticker. i don't mine if you want to stick it all over our chalet. ;)

-love, belle-