Just Breathe : )

Im alone at the chalet staring at the "cadar-less" matress at the common area, and hearing the blazing music from my room. The blog seems a bit "life-less" nw, guess when Qyna's not around, its really..different. Couldn't help thinking how so many things have changed this second semester. More hectic, more work, more expectations. "No, I can't find the rewind..lalala" from breathe 2am makes me think. Yeah, sometimes I just wish there's this rewind button in life, where you can prevent some things from happening. I used to think so at least. But I guess without the rewind you learn better. and at times it makes you treasure certain people..a lot. its like..when you do mistakes, most people would just leave you with yourself to handle it, only few would come back no matter how dissappointed you make them. Huhu.
And what should I do now? "Just breathe..." haha. yeah, my laptop chose the right song for the right moment. hehe.
There's something haunting my mind these days. Ever felt when you have to struggle to keep at par with two different lives? And there are times when you wonder if this is really who you are. Sometimes you wonder if you're just fake. But then I know for sure..Im just..afraid. haha..funny im admitting this on the blog..and there's the people dear to me that I just can't dissappoint. If not...they'll just........leave. And so, Im still here at the junction of choices, wondering if I ever made the right one. Its not as simple as it sounds. Trust me.
And everytime I read Mansfield's stories, I couldn't help wondering of why I never had the guts to say "no" or rebel when the right time comes. All I could do is..shut my mouth and hear. I just don't have the heart to be stubborn and decide for my own life what I want and what's best for me..when I know that the reason Im having a perfect life now is not because of me alone.