i wonder if u understand

once upon a time, there was this stranger who was lost in the Sahara desert. every second she was careful, cause she was afraid of whatever you always find in deserts that can kill you. like those scary poisonous snakes...or scorpions that can just kill you with one sting. and the fears can never end, because, they are always everywhere. and they dont warn her if they want to attack. and because she doesnt know a thing about deserts, her mind was only full of insecurity. until one day she stumbled into a spider, that was supposed to scare her to the edges. but somehow it didnt. it just minded its own business building its own web. cause she was desperately lonely, somehow she talked the spider, and it became her friend. her confidante. her hope to just move on and find the way out. and this idea started to plant in her mind, that maybe, just maybe, the creatures that are so-called deadly werent that harmful after all. but then the spider is always a mystery to her, because she knows that the spider doesnt look at the world the way she does. unlike her, the spider seems to take life so smoothly and always stiffen up. the spider always knows how to survive. even if the spider is way smaller than her, it is much stronger.

what if one day the stranger felt that there's no way out to her misery, and everything seems to be at the end. and she starts to hate the person she's becoming? and because she doesnt want that spider to see her that way, she feels like leaving it? what if one day her last drop of water dried and she knows she's going to die anyway but then she doesnt want to die in front of the spider? just somewhere else, not in front of it?

so she stood up and took step by step away from the spider. one step, two steps, three...four....five, six steps, seven. eight, nine...ten. and then she suddenly stops. and she wonders if she would hurt the spider just by leaving like that. but the spider can never tell her if she matters. and if she was going to die, the last thing she would want to do is hurt the spider, in ways she can never imagine. so, she turns back and ran back to it. and there it is, just minding its web as usual. and she sat there and talked to it like nothing really happened. like she never intended to leave it. and she wonders if the spider knows. but like always, its a mystery to her. a complete mystery. and the mystery is the reason she left, and the reason she came back.

and she wonders, if she will stay like this forever?