words.its been a while.

guess it has been a while right? someone used to tell me that if i ask this question "have i changed?" than im being arine. cz i dont wanna change entirely. there's some parts of me that are very stubborn in terms of staying with myself. and theyre not all good. like the fact that i never really keep up to what i say. it rhymes with i cannot be trusted. but theres the good ones too, and that, maybe that id keep it to myself. :) so, like since its been a long time since im filling this up with craps, have to admit, i miss this blog. truth is, seeing how many people reads this blog freaks me out for a sec. it makes me feel a little bit too exposed. thats why, i went away for a break somewhere. i guess. but hey, im back. ^_^
so, like, back to my simple question. have i changed? i dont know either. but things around me do change a lot with the exception of a few. still that same old girl who's a mess, has this talent of dissappointing people, but still looking for some space to learn to let her guard down more frequently and be more open to the world. still wanting to be normal but me, and that is like very hard. still struggling to keep up to identities that are not mine, but yeah, once in a while, break free from it. okay, do i sound like a depressed girl now? cause, honestly i dont intend to make this all-depressing. but i cnt lie to u. im not another sunshine that brightens ppl's day ^_^
hehe. maybe i should shift the subject and not make it me. :) well, there's a tired little brother (who is not that little) --> hey, thats an oxymoron! (i think) lying on my bed, sleeping really soundly, cause his room is dusty, not in order, and his bed is even somewhere else. u knw why? coz kakak's getting married in a few weeks, and yeah, his room and abang's are going to be turned into the new married couple's room, while abang gets the renovated guest room, and luqman takes kakak's room, which is quite near to mine. oh, he just woke up, and went off. =p probably hungry.
and yeah, out of all nights, i dreamt last night of an adventure. its a long time since i get that thrill in my bones when i wake up in the morning. u knw? i dreamt that i got this whole VERY magical diamond in my hands that can change the world. and i had to protect it from, anyone called human. cause in each person, there's this hidden greed, no matter how good they are. but the thing is, im human too, and i have greed too, in me. but the dream didnt really end. so, i have no ending for it. :) glad the imagination is coming back. speaking of dreams, during this bnm orientation in lanai kijang last week, we had to stand up and tell everyone else our dream, what we imagine ourselves to be five years from now. say it in present tense, he says. huhu. that particular session makes me see how unambitious i am :D but to me, thats not bad. some ppl hv big dreams, but some ppl just want everything simple (and thats a big dream too). but yeah, i finally say it out loud of what i really want. :) in five years time, id be seeing most of europe and middle east ! okay, id be satisfied with europe, and one place in the middle east. fine, two. okay, three. but the number three place is so impossible to pass by cz there's wars between jews and muslims there. i know its possible. i think it is. i just need to get a place in a uk university. :) dreams can come true right? if u dream it right.
btw, this is SO amazing! belle-->congrats for the conditional offer of your dream university!!! ^_^ hehe.
okay i shud go. bye2