Sometimes there are matters that you just can't portray in words. And when you turn back to the One, and tell Him your fears, somehow, He gives you the solution you never thought of. :) And I'm so grateful to the Almighty for granting my prayers.
I never really wanted that person to know. I just wanted to keep everything to myself. He reminded me too much of who I used to be and sometimes, he reminds me of Suhe'. If I were to like him, I just want to like him from afar.Probably because I fear that I might distract his istiqamah of devoting to Him, and there are more important commitments that should be thought of rather than this. Partly, because I know next semester, I'll have to take care of somebody. And I don't want anything or anyone to interfere. I have responsibilities and the hearts of people I care about to think of. I can't betray all that. And of all things, I still had this promise to myself, I have to find Allah's love first before anyone's. But then, I can't put away the feelings, cause Allah said Himself in the Quran, it's the fitrah of being a homo sapien:) He created love as a gift for humans. But it's never right when you love the gift more than the One who gave it in the first place right?
I owe him a thanks, for not responding:) Supposedly, I should feel sad, but I don't know why, I don't feel a thing besides this calmness in me, that had been absent for quite a long time. And today, after months, I woke up with a smile. ^_^ I know I'd never say this to you but, yeah, THANKS. I owe you big time.