of dreams and mistakes

in life, u make great mistakes. and u just cant rewind everything back again. tht was what i ws thinking while the pic of the late opah flashed on the tv screen when we were looking back at old pics at tokwan's place today. sometimes i wonder what'd i would do if i could turn back time. got a weird dream again while i was having a nap today. i dreamt that i was in a room with many different pianos, and i tried playing each piano and none of them fit me just right. until i found one that i thought fitted me perfectly. but somehow, when i played it over and over again, the piano seemed to dissappoint me. i dunno why. but i kept trying and trying. all i remembered was trying to make it fit with me, there were many other pianos that i never even tried playing yet in the room, but yet i wanted that one. and somehow, a voice of someone that i dont know asked me in my dream:
The voice: Why stick to that one when it keeps dissappointing you? Youd just get hurt every time you try to play it. Why not try another one?
me: but i really believe in this one. i know almost all the flaws as much as what it can do. i know it inside out.
The voice: Maybe you simply just believe in what you want to believe. Not the reality of what the piano really is. Maybe you think you know it inside out, but the truth is you dont.
the dream doesnt make sense at first, but it does now, when i thought of something that i had been trying to ignore since friday night. people say that when ure searching for answers..just ask yourself.
maybe ive been stupid. maybe i shud have been more realistic. how can i believe in something that is clearly not real? i guess i deserve this..after what i have done in the past. a pay back to the selfish me. huhu. who am i to complain? ^_^