koleq has a new batman

in mara college seremban where adequate sleep is a complete rarity, incarcerated living organism like me prefer to write blogs and update my fellow loving platonic comrades about my boring stories and adventures. its true that i need medicine. medicine to unwind my coiled confused brain which bleeds crap every twenty minutes. before that congratulations to mr anwar for winning the permatang pauh by-election. ''kolet kolek koleq'' - sounds like an old boy looks like an old boy. i quote my new t-shirt presented by my father. thanks dad. i reckoned some profoundly agitated eyes,staring at me ferociously when i entered dewan selera yesterday wearing the new tee. i think i digested part of my pride but damn lah. who cares.battle of the wordlords. this is a competition held by the college during its annual open week. they provide you with a word and youre required to babble about it for two solid minutes. for example. the screen says describe '' g a y s'' and i would talk continuously on how gay shane ward is in almost all of his music videos. unfortunately i was deliberately forged by my teachers to enter it. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah . by official dictate, not by my peers' views or public acclaim, i know that i will supremely have trouble devoting myself in such healthy competition because i know myself and i know that my head has gone goo-goo crazy at that time. anyhow i was hoping on a more serious topic like the livelihood of hardcore poor, global food crisis, climate change, global warming, environmental degradation or unproductive agriculture that results in hunger, breeds violence and insecurity etc. and guess what i received the word ''batman'' shit. i compounded my long past experience on this particular comic superhero cum hottie hottie bod superstar acting in the sequel but all i can get in my head was blankness. and so i said '' urgh uuuuuuuuuuuurgh oh ahhhhhhhhhhhh urgh urgh'' honk honk. say something for godness sake. yes i said a couple of words but all of them turned out ridiculously out of topic. it would be presumption on my part and i could be proven wrong, but logic would suggest that the choice of word is irrefutably RETARDED. the conclusion out of this is i suck.big time.oh my. my break time is over. i have chemistry now. until then belle and arine. miss you guys. hell loads. sumpah.

in memories of Mukhi..:(

the one who came and go without warn. youve been a great pet.

May you rest in peace.

xoxo,

arine

when kakak gets engaged...

2 guys and a girl :D hehe.

sweet :)

hey, im supposed to be the same height as my brothers. ceh diorg gune songkok..x aci!

future bro in law n kakak

atiqah-acap(my crush)-me

sisters :)

sian azeem, muke setengah je. :p

Phew...:) tired but well, it was a success. the night b4 i struggled until 4am just to finish all my hws..(but still nt finished) and woke up early to help out. Haha. My 1st job in the morning-help wak idah cook for like..a lot of ppl, and i worked there until almost 12 just to prepare lunch.but im nt the one cooking. i just help out with all the veges and chillies and garlics and onions etc. x sempat nk duduk, tetibe kakak stormed in with loads of chocs. im like."is it fr me?:)" kakak gave me that "look" and laughed. x laa..ni fr door gifts, u hv to pack them. huhu..i cn curik sket while packing them. n suddenly kakak turns around and said, "Dont even think of stuffing some in your mouth" haha. hw cn she read my mind? am i that easy?
by 2 pm i felt so tired thinking of hw many hours of sleep i got last night. so i did my most brilliant tactic of curik tulang. hehe..tido bwh katil, so no one cn fnd me. dont laugh..it works! no one found me fr the next one and a half hours. yeah! by the time i went down again, my house was so full of people.
i realized then how my family is..huge! with mama + bapak's side..wo...u cn imagine hw packed my house was. i think we used so much electricity everywhere that blackouts keep occuring throughout the day. by evening, when i went up in my room, i was astounded. my room was full of my cousins watching some superhero movie, and lil kids tossing my stuff around. i dunno why..i laughed.maybe cause i dunno, my room was so in a state of chaos, but they were all just..funny.
after maghrib when the event was about to start, i went down with my cousins. someone pulled me to my sister's preparation room and said, "your sister looks really..different" haha. "tipu!" i answered. but as i entered, my breath stopped for a pit one sec. "whoa!" i heard two voices frm behing. saw azeem and aiman looking at kakak. haha. mak imah ckp,"tu mahal tu. their "whoa"" yeah, kakak looked different, like she's stepping into the adult world. cnt believe hw time flies, she's going to have her own family soon. suddenly some1 asked me, "make-up?" immediately i laughed and went out of the room to save myself.:)
kakak looks beautiful during her engagement..and everything went on smoothly. huhu, my cousins talked me into taking a LOT of brownies, and when i was in the process of taking them, the waiter stared at me as if im some alien..huhu. the best part was the chat at the end when most of the guests went home already. my cousins and i sat outside and we laughed over a whole lot of matters. we frgt about the dread of finishing the hols and struggling for one moment. yerp. i looked at the faces tonite, and theyre happy to welcome a new member of the family. and i am too. and everything is just still new for me. but its going to be okay. changes are good. :) may they be blessed with happiness.

C-H-A-O-S

I went to mid val today to watch Wal-E..hehe..tht movie's really creative. and well, i came across this notebook and since im giving it to Adi, cause Adi's going to be studying in UK soon, id figured that i keep the pic of it in this blog. yeah, at first i thought of just posting it to Adi, but somehow, i dunno what made me decide to meet up after all. and then Adi goes like lets watch a movie. haha..i'll wait and see if the "sleep-lover" Adi can wake up early just to go out with me. Haha. :)
my schedule is going to be tight 2mrw, its like go watch a movie with Adi, then rush to KL Sentral to meet up with Belle and then take a commuter to BNM, and then mid val, and cming back home at night to help out the setting up of kakak's pelamin. huhu. cnt believe kakak's getting engaged already. time really flies. and i frgt, just nw at mid val, i just discovered that there's a big apple donuts down there! Yeay! and u knw where we went for lunch? a pancake restaurant. just trying out, although it looks fancy and all. i ordered Frankfurt and Kakqilah ordered Tokyo. hehe..nice names for dishes. but my pick was the best one. its a pancake with egg on it, and lots of peperroni, button mushrooms and a sausage with cheese in it. yum2. and today's lesson is "taking the bus" by kakqilah. hehe. yeah2 its more economical, but u hv to wait longer. right. and "Stolen" is still my fave song today. haha.

"and sometimes that would be people who decide to erase you from their lives, even with all the memories shared, but just wait. even if he or she decides not to cherish what you shared like before, at least you tried. and that's what that matters."
i learnt this from someone. i used to be the person mentioned first, and now im the person mentioned second. and even if both of them is far away from me now, it's okay. its the thought that counts. :)

craps..as usual

Hey ho. As usual, during the hols id be crapping a lot here. because i just have nothing else to do. right, i should be studying. :D today's agenda was balik kampung..hehe. honestly? my leg hurts, and i just dread the fact that i have to go to any kenduris, anything that involves walking. u see my toe is completely swollen, bibik says probably my nail will go off after sometime, but its going to hurt a lot. yeah, bapak's nicer today about the whole injury thing. but i still cnt imagine going to bnm like this. what if someone step on it? huhu. maybe i shud just leave belle to go alone with her "neighbour" *evil smile*. but yeah, i spent the time at the kenduri just nw watching so that no one steps on it. but yeah, someone still stepped on it..two times. haha. yeah2. its my fault anyway, so i hv no right to complain. anyway, everyone's watching the badminton tournament dwnstairs. they said the gov is going to give that guy a million if he wins the gold medal. but im up here just browsing the net and waiting for someone to be on9, bcoz i feel so guilty for making that person wait yesterday. feel really bad.
well, today's journey back to sabak bernam made me think about....love. why? well, throughout the journey, i watched my parents. somehow, i dunno, they dont seem to be a perfect couple. when mama was trying to make a joke, bapak takes it so seriously. they were a bit..harsh to each other when we lost our way. its so not like in the movies. and i wonder, (i knw its bad) why did the agreed to marry each other in the first place?
and by dinner it turned out that peace was restored. yeah, they teamed up to badger me to try to apply to oxford or cambridge. :p you knw what conclusion i made? there's a lot to learn about love. i mean, when i was little, ill read all these fairy tales from the bookshelves, and the stories seem to portray such ideal love stories. the beatiful princess saved by the knight in the shining armour and it always ends with.."happily ever after.."
but then when i watch my parents..i see love as more than that. it takes a lot to hold onto a relationship and to keep believing in it. and yeah maybe it sounds easy when we say how two lovers accept each other the way they are, but its not as simple as that, i think. and it really takes a lot to reach where my parents are right now, i think. i mean theyve been together like..24 years i think, they still fight sometimes, they still annoy each other sometimes, but they still love each other.
looking at them, i think theyre two lucky people, to be able to find someone they can trust that much. i mean its easy to trust people with the good values you have, but to trust a person and let him or her know you inside out is not that easy. i dunno, if it is for me, to have a person knowing me completely inside out probably would freak me out a little bit...fine, a lot actually. maybe because if one day that person leaves you, you'd just feel rejected completely. but u see, if a person knows just some parts of you, and he or she leaves, maybe it wont hurt that much because like hey, he or she doesnt knw me you that much, right? haha does it make sense? i dunno.
so i guess my conclusion is love..is a big commitment. and to be able to really love someone that much, gives you a lot, but then it costs a lot too. and honestly? thts the thing that really makes me look up on my parents. for their abilty to love each other so truly.
like this some saying i heard somewhere, "Love is easy to find, but to find a person who loves someone truly and to be loved back the same way is hard."
right.......i shud stop crapping now. and i found this pic in the net. i like it. i dunno y. : ) later..nite.

Futsal :)

Kaki banyak saiz:) guess which one's mine?
the baby of the family..youngest kid^_^
baru nk buat geng merah hitam, azeem spoil je :) heheh
Tokwan giving money to kakqilah n kak mizah while we chanted "teh tarik!" ramai2

its supposed to be a young ppl pic, tetibe ade laa sorg manusie tu nyibok :) haha

ABC for me:)
balqis n me

When Tokwan calls there's no one who cud say no. Why? everyone knws the fun we'll all have together. :) this time is about celebrating Kakqilah who's going to Bristol this September and Kak Mizah to IMU. They hv enough money to buy themselves new laptops. Ceh. haha. I guess Tokwan emphasizes a lot on education, cause we'll celebrate each time the results of public exams come out, or someone gets into a uni. or if someone gets an outstanding award. the whole family will be present to celebrate and acknowledge a member of the family's achievement.

well i guess we have a new trend for the celebrations. 2 hours of futsal! haha. but if anyone watches the way we play, seriously you'll laugh all the way. one thing, each team consist of people from all ages, from the parents to teens to the little kids. so you see, although we call the game futsal, we'd get suddenly a little kid taking the ball with her hands and ran all the way across the court and do a touchdown. hehe, and the goalie cannot stop her, if not she will scream and cry. haha

and we'd get some cheating and using their hands instead of their legs. huhu. and there are times when one would fall on another and all of us just cant stop laughing. so u see our game of futsal is really tiring, cause everyone just breaks the rules and have fun. sometimes id see some ppl playing at the court nearby, amused by the way we play, and the noise we created when we score. haha.

after that we sat together in the middle of the field and tokwan announced the achievement of kakqilah and kak mizah. and yeah, we cheered and cheered.

after that we settled down at a mamak store and the waiter had to combine five tables in a straight row plus another three tables. my maggi goreng came first..and everyone around me dengki gler...they all immediately cukai maggi goreng tu. tak sempat nk makan lagi. by the time i could get my hands on my food, there's only a quarter left. everyone was laughing seeing me being bullied. huhu. but i got myself a fantastic ABC after that. hehe. u see sumtimes u just hv to take advantage of situations. :)

but somehow, i saw one moment when tokwan paused and kept silent alone for a moment. and i wonder what he was thinking of. maybe opah? yeah, i was remembering her too, i cn imagine her smile if she's still here. or maybe the fact that one day, one by one of us will go and explore our own lives, and maybe moments like this would fade. yeah, but while its still there, why not cherish it?

Islamic Aspiration Week (IAW)

Garnet!! :)

-tkcians-kyuemians-garnetors- :D

Its not everyday you get varsh wearing a punjabi suit and looking..super indian:)behold the iaw comic exco ^_^

The IAW committee-after the cleaning up:)Like the banner? :)

adina-arine-sarah-belle-mai

me and the nasyid solo fr the nite :)

me with the hardworking food committee:)

haha..u shud see belle and christina performing on stage.:) they're so cute!

Ukhwah: The Symphony of Unity..that was the theme for IAW. It was really a memorable experience working with the committee. Mr Small was right. When living in a multinational society, we need to find our common ground and understand not just our religion, but other religions practised around us. It was fun, esp the part seeing belle and christina perform onstage. u guys outshine the main actress man! :P and yeah, the hard work cleaning up the containers and dirty dishes with adina, and cming back late almost every nite + kene marah ngn mak guard was fun too :) also nt forgetting the fundraising with nab and ieqa +team. huhu..there's a lot of surpluses in the fund bcoz of their effort and the heaps of sponsors that contributed. and varsh did a great job too with the comics:) and belle, thanks for supporting and accompanying me esp that night during the iaw quiz..and it turned out tht u knw why..and shen too, for hearing me cmplain frm time to time. ^_^ and here's a lil something i found while searching for articles for the exhibition. thought itd be meaningful:) :

‘aku mencintai sahabatku dengan segenap jiwaku. Sahabat yang baik adalah yang seiring denganku dan menjaga nama baikku ketika aku hidup atau selepas mati. Kuhulurkan tangan kepada sahabatku untuk berkenalan kerana aku akan berasa senang. Semakin ramai sahabat, aku semakin percaya diri. Aku selalu berharap mendapat sahabat sejati yang tidak pernah luntur baik dalam suka atau duka. Jika aku temuinya, aku ingin setia padanya’ – Imam Syafie

I found this pic as Hanis' friendster profile. The 1990s trios sending the future doctor to Indonesia. Well, I wished the picture of the three of us when we were little kids are captured by a digi camera, but never mind. Huhu..looking at it, I cant help smiling thinking of the years that has passed, we're almost 18 already..Im going to be the latest one to turn 18. Owww....But yeah, frm left, economist-doctor-doctor. But note: Im faking my height. Im supposed to be taller than that. :p The two ppl at the sides of the pictures will be travelling the world one day..and probably, never get married. Hahah

JUST got back from Econs test actually. Slept for four hours last night cause I finished washing the water containers for IAW with Adina about 11.30..and then the night chat with Belle and Shen, while reading the AS syllabus. Thought itd be mcq today, turns out as an essay. but honestly? I prefer essays. but..cant believe we're taking AS exams this oct-nov. im taking all my subjects for AS..and, tht makes..8 papers. Ouch. and great news! havent started at all. boing2* im gonna be a nerd this one week hols next week. cz aft i come back..its submitting ps, and TRIALS! NO! And extra classes day and night. Im so dead!

Yesterday was a great day! cz i felt that i kinda did two or three things that scares me, and yeah, eventhough my heart was beating fast, i had that thrill. i actually convinced myself to venture things im afraid of. :) N the chat with Ms Linda kinda gave me some..hope?

Right..Im back at the chalet to actually compensate my sleep. so i shud strt sleeping b4 this free block ends. Later.

p.s: fave song of the day: Stolen-Dashboard Confessional

"so-so man.."

another busy week indeed..

let's start with sunday- physics trip to sunway lagoon. 9am, almost had a heart attack. someone unexpected was going as well. *shocked*. on the bus, sat next to shenny and sorry shen, you hv to stand my "non-stop-smiley-cum-awkward" face. we entered sunway lagoon first. played all the what-i-called-dry-games. it was extremely fun. watching shen screamd in almost all of the games and the rest were laughing their heart out. however, dissapointed as tomahawk was close for maintainence. urgh. i came to sunway mainly because of tomahawk, damn. next up, suspension bridge. camwhoring seems like the best thing to overcome our batophobia. hehe .by the end of it, thers trillion flights of stairs awaits us. haih, so tiring wo. the guys wanted to stay at the xteme park, and as for the rest of us, of course the water-theme-park! christina, shen, hanis, sara, ikmal, adina n shinyi tried most of the water slides. in case you were wondering, i didn't try any of it as 1. i was wearing jeans 2.i don't wanna get wet 3.any other appropriate reasons. 3pm, tired+enough of the joy...climbed our way to sunway pyramid. christina, shen and i had our lunch at kenny rogers. "best side dishes ever" i must say. well, maybe influenced by my "hungry-ness".haha. then, obviously 'small-shopping'!*wee*time flies soo fast-5.30pm, sunway hotel entrance waiting for our bus, and he was there as well after the entire day MIA. on the way, stopped at sg buloh rest area. bought burger king for dinner with shen. arrival time :8-ish pm. exhausted, and my feet hurts the most. ate my burger, watched csi and slept at 11pm.wow, thats early for me. thx vee for clearing my bed and 'selimutkan i'.*wink*

tuesday nite-sapphire welcoming party

the-get-together-with-pet family-day. fun, had our dinner 'chicken chop' ,sat in a small circle consisted of mariam, herman, amirah, affroe and me. then, perfomanced by the juniors and followed by seniors, as requested. played a few thrilling games. next, the-exciting-part, ballon cum water fight. everybody was wet except for those who ran away from the site, exibit A-myself. even maddy did not hv the guts to pour water at me. hah. by the end of it, i was 'dry'. before leaving, my pet family gathered again at the "tepi longkang spot". ate pizzas bought by mariam. had our chitty-chatty talk. went back at 11.30ish pm after being 'halau' by you-know-who. my apology to arine. hehe.

thursday nite-JCN

loads of interhouse games ie ikebana, 'whatever'-pop-band and ironchef. i dunno precisely how to describe that night. but all i know, arine and i enjoyed the whole thing as we stayed until the end of it. seeing mcsub chasing arine-among the best part.haha. pity mcsub since arine has a new 'hurm-hurm' in her life now. as for me, naah...nothing happened. BIG BLUFF!!not telling you guys anything.let just say, im enjoying my time here.*wee*;p

p/s : till next time qyn.

love, belle

All I Need...

Home, at last. But then, im speechless. For one moment. Thinking of so many things that happened this week, and the week before. Im not supposed to even be back this week, but the urgency to find money within a short time forces me to do so. "You and I, we never had the easy pavement, we've both been hurt before.." some new song I've been hearing. :)
As much as time can make us heal and forget, as much as that can time make us realize some things we never did before. "When I was trying to mend my broken heart, I tend to focus on my work, and become the best person I could be." says Brooke Davis. The only constant thing in life is change, and we have no choice but to conform to it. Even if at the end, you feel like a stranger to someone you thought you knew. And even with the frustrations that keep coming by, you can give up on loving..but not living. Even if it means dragging your feet and keep trying to stand up again..no matter how hard it can be, no matter how history keeps repeating. and you'd understand how helpful a smile could be to enlighten your days. ^_^ and no matter how much fear you have of being hurt again, you just have to believe that it won't hurt to open up to people around you now and then. isn't life........?
Im crapping in the midst of my ngantok-ness. haha. today, tokwan told us a very funny story. He went to the hospital and when he was about to go back, he realized that his car was missing. He searched around, and even notified security. And at last he figured out that...he got the wrong floor! I just love the way, he'd laugh at himself..or simply smile. I notice his eyes are a bit..blue. and yeah it's my lucky day! bapak walks in and gave me money with two digits on it..from embah :) hehehehehehe.....bahagie gler. right. i hv to sleep.gotta wake up at 5 2mrw, cz someone promised me a delicious breakfast if i accompany her to the airport early in the morning. Later~

someone quote ''sunny is a stupid indonesian love song''

dear belle

hurm. hurm. hurm. i am writing and at the moment waiting for my roomies. theyre buying some fattening burger lembu tonight. woo its tempting but i am strictly on diet now. hee. shit lah so many nyamuk here. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. right. there's even more. bab i nyamuk. ok that doesnt sound right. i am putting two species of animal together and its already cursing.maybe theyre halting me from writing bad stuffs about my house captain. i heard bad news about him. the girls here gossip even more than they eat. anyway i cant believe iski is coming tomorrow. wait until he sees this (staring ferociously at this over-pouring tong sampah beside me). gosh i'm totally hogged up at the moment. the whole colony is biting me at the moment. good night belle. until then.

gemok sumpah tak tipu.

my personal profound attempts to lose weight this month.

1. eat lunch push away nasi
2. skip dinner
3. go jogging everyday


dont eat at all lah. i am officially on diet!

sky-rocking house captain who cries victory

ive been opening the same blog, staring at the same old blank post and leaving it just like that. ive been doing that for a week now. it seems like there's nothing much to write when you are situated here without an urge to gossip about anything. well i should just make one anyway since i promised you guys to do so. monday is shockingly horrid especially when the college is re-accentuating preps for IB students during the night. i couldnt say much as majority of the seniors preferred to nod in agreement rather than to stand up for whats right. ah seniors. just dont comprehend them.as usual my disastrous tongue began to mumble words of disagreement. anyhow tuesday was the closing ceremony of the college's sports carnival. yes and they made me run in a marathon. so i ran. i ran so hard that my head couldnt care less about the subtle life i'm living in.i reached the finishing line but it was worst than any of the marathons ive been through before. and believe it or not i'm in yellow house. i laughed the first time i received the message ''cikgu buat lawak eh? urmmm rumah merah ade kosong tak?'' haha. my attempts were to no avail as expected. and so i met my new house captain, a senior only eighteen years of age with sky-rocking hairstyle only god of fashion can describe how weird his hair-do is.i have to say i was impressed at first though his profound, distinct appearance reminds me of tyler.he is a good captain with supertalented skills.he should be absurdly devastated to have such a pemalas useless member like me.ive been sleeping all this while during those long weekly meet-ups.sleepy lah. just so you know belle he was from mrsm langkawi. i know youre smiling at the moment so dont worry just take your time. the college is inviting new faces from the juniors for the student representative council election. its not what you think. no no no damn no i am not running for any posts. i think thats about it. oh and dont read any of those sekolah berasrama karangkraf mags. its berserkly important so stay out of it.btw i am so fat now. fat i tell you. i dare not put any pictures because its too flabbylous and m afraid you wont recognise me by first look. do take care of yourslef in sunway. do your physics thing with style.

..Whaimy-phobia..

i'm not in the mood of writing..at all :(

but since qyna begged me this entire freaking week..yeah qyn, i'll find something interesting to write on. in a short while, i'll have to switch to my "cheerleader" mode as the basketball competition is about to start. "that person"needs my support...i guess?? haha. " good luck, mrW !! *wink*

well, like arine said, this semester is damn hectic. tonnes of work, assignment to do..and not to forget econs+physics+math tests coming up next week. i sure do need a break. so, i'v signed up for a physics trip and all thanks to dr.foord, we'll be in sunway lagoon this sunday.hooray! but there's few tasks that need to be completed there. not a true relaxing visit after all. still, out of this secluded forest. hehe :p ouh, i forgt to mention earlier, i gt a new physics teacher! quote christina "..the physics god has granted our one tiny wish.." totally agree with you, dear. a fresh start is what all of us need at the moment. with my rusty brain, i do have to start picking up the stuff that i left during the 3 weeks break. really, really need that.

urmm..don't have any idea for my ps yet. what should i write??i have to start writing..fast, my name is about come up on the list. all this ucas thingy really bothers me a lot. universities, referee..and of course,PS. i wish i have more time. being an 18-month-er, i guess..time runs quickly. sometimes, i just couldn't catch up with it. "laughter is the best medicine.."said ms madeline during my ielts class this morning. so, i'l laugh more and love less..oops..cn i actually do that??naah..both are equally good as remedies :)

besides all the stuff above, i just got a reply letter from my petbro along with sweets. aww..i have to admit, quite impressed with his vast knowledge on sports and musics. *a not so good first impression during the house meeting*-vanish from my mind*Puff*. adorable person i must say. ewe.haha. as for my petsis, she always replies quickly. no problem so far.

currently, at basketball court. garnet is fighting against topaz. no point of having me there. maybe when he's playing, i'l go check the game out. after being a stalker for a moment just now..'i cn see him from my chalet area' hah! he is one h-t dude! seriously, no kidding. i love all his shirts and nice tie-s. dressing wise-i give him an A+.biased, indeed i am. anyways, it's only a crush..'nothing more, nothing less'..full stop! plus, he barely even knows me. not expecting more than that. (bluff??). we just have to wait and see :)

p/s : he makes my heart stop pounding..

love, belle

Just Breathe : )

Im alone at the chalet staring at the "cadar-less" matress at the common area, and hearing the blazing music from my room. The blog seems a bit "life-less" nw, guess when Qyna's not around, its really..different. Couldn't help thinking how so many things have changed this second semester. More hectic, more work, more expectations. "No, I can't find the rewind..lalala" from breathe 2am makes me think. Yeah, sometimes I just wish there's this rewind button in life, where you can prevent some things from happening. I used to think so at least. But I guess without the rewind you learn better. and at times it makes you treasure certain people..a lot. its like..when you do mistakes, most people would just leave you with yourself to handle it, only few would come back no matter how dissappointed you make them. Huhu.
And what should I do now? "Just breathe..." haha. yeah, my laptop chose the right song for the right moment. hehe.
There's something haunting my mind these days. Ever felt when you have to struggle to keep at par with two different lives? And there are times when you wonder if this is really who you are. Sometimes you wonder if you're just fake. But then I know for sure..Im just..afraid. haha..funny im admitting this on the blog..and there's the people dear to me that I just can't dissappoint. If not...they'll just........leave. And so, Im still here at the junction of choices, wondering if I ever made the right one. Its not as simple as it sounds. Trust me.
And everytime I read Mansfield's stories, I couldn't help wondering of why I never had the guts to say "no" or rebel when the right time comes. All I could do is..shut my mouth and hear. I just don't have the heart to be stubborn and decide for my own life what I want and what's best for me..when I know that the reason Im having a perfect life now is not because of me alone.

"And yet, being a woman, deep down, deep down, she really does expect the miracle to happen"

-Katherine Mansfield :)

the best pau in tg malim : )

Thought I'd be spending a whole saturday at kyuem finally. until suddenly mama calls "im coming at 3" I'm like "what?" right. she misses me a lot. correction: she misses luqman a lot. ceh. and like kakak, kakqilah and abang tagged along. hahaha. bet the house is kinda quiet without me screaming at luqman occasionally, playing pranks on me. or the loud radio. or the sound of the guitar playing.
But they ended up having only me joining them to tg malim. luqman had to attend some program. tasted the best pau ever in the whole planet! huhu. and the best chicken chop ever! imagine, mama spent more then rm 80 for five ppl eating pau. and one pau is like 1.30. gler laa..:) its sad bapak's not here. he's in harvard nw, for some course under the scholarship of bnm. haha..i didn't knw tht ppl almost retiring cud get scholars too. but we knw exactly wht he'll bring back 2mrw. Harvard tshirts! yeay! haha. i think i shud make a collection of university tshirts. huhu. but weirdly, no matter which part of the country he goes to, the design of the tshirt will always be the same.
after lepak ngn luqman, abang dropped me by my chalet, and i continue eating pau with belle and shen. f.y.i qyn: i am suspecting that a lot of ppl have a "confined interest" on belle. :p haha. she's been watching one tree hill since last night, because she wanted to watch nathan..who reminded her of u-know-who. :D
speaking of belle. i think i shud wake her up nw. and shen. i think the whole idea of having the matresses outside increases our sleeping hours. :)

breathless is better without that gay shane ward moaning in it

she climbed puake's partition to make her puake happy.indeed she climbed many partitions. she wanted to make all of her friends happy.

lalalalala. this sucks. my parents and ray are having a tennis tournament at this very moment and here i am in their oh so cool cafe writing this post. good luck guys i will be here eating and cheering from far. m a useless crap. such boring day should i say. all is the same since i left uem college. ive been going back everyweek eating the same cream puffs and drinking the same lousy lemon tea and sitting at the same mph corner and browsing the same posh shops without thinking of buying any and watching nau waving goodbye as she went along with hariz and waiting at the same pathetic coffee beans for mama to fetch me. damn. m not doing this for another two years. oh and ariff (a brother to nashreen cum new college pal) his mom plans to car pool with my dad until the end of our semester.what is it with parents and their so called plans nowadays? its tarnishing the cream out of me.well lets just see how it goes.

dear arine

wow.new lit teacher?too bad its a woman.i was hoping for a really hot british bloke. haha.and do tell yaya that i will miss her craziness in class.that girl needs brain adjustment without me around to yell at her (: dont be too dried up arine.i am actually glad i took lit and that jc dude is the reason why i took it at the first place.anyhow my mattress? whats so horrid and ghostly about the chalets? oh i forgot our place is a little bit kuno. i wna hop around the mattress too. that was our dangdut and karoake disco spot. gee. and say hi to adik ''hot'' luqman for me.oh another thing. i dont eat dinner or star gazing or ''with you'' discoing anymore.its not the same without you guys.

dear belle

i am still in shock mode.so youre over with whaim and youre aiming for his friend? wo. thats classic man.anyway you have my support form far.either way you will get what you want. if and only if you dont go for that gay guy of yours (:

dear puake and shen and vee

thanks for your long splendid advice.i reckon how devastating india can be from your point of view.and go go bully juniors ok.puake i really wna watch house season three now if you dont mind. hee.and do take care of the two dudes i put on my door.i think theyre still on thumbtacks.and listen you can always don the monkey with some garments and call her 'qyna yang teramat lah comel' if you want to. wee.

too late to call it "new"?

writing this while waiting for belle to finish showering. haha..shen said "tunggu belle mandi umpama tunggu christina mandi dua kali" haha...thts shen..not me :p just came back from ustazah's house. she just got herself a new baby girl. she's so cute. and her name's meaning is "the one who completes"..hehe..
life have been hectic. haven't the time to write here for so long. but now here I am..:)
KYUEM seems full of strangers now, soon to be known. new students, new teachers, new classes, new timetable(soon) and new environment. it's fun having a brother..but when your friends says he's hot..hmm..the heart would just stop for one sec. haha. but it's funny though. i'd get mama smsing me every night, asking if he's okay and all. she didn't even ask about me..(sedey tul ) hehe. but i guess she misses us a lot.
and yeah, there's the "celebrity" moment when the juniors surround you for your sign. haha. and meeting some familiar faces that you just don't expect can be well...funny sometimes. and yeah I have the standard question when ppl ask for the sign. and it ends with, "don't call me kak, we're the same age" :)
and yeah Qyn, the new Lit teacher, is like..the total opposite of Mr JC. ^_^ she has a high level of energy and exposes us to the works of a feminist. it's dry without u, dear.
and because we've been hearing freaky stories around the chalet area, we've been pulling out Qyn's matress and mine to the common area, for two or three nights already. huhu. but then the good thing about it is, after class we'd just walk one step, and immediately lie on the matresses. best gler. esp when the air cond really keeps the place cold :p
gtg for dinner..BYE

i put on some flabs when i am stupidly sad

i am a junior. i am a fishcaking fruitcuping kebabing depressed junior.

i compounded my sadness and all i get was a pool of tears at the end of the conversation.the long phone conversation by my best butts.the usual six. puake, belle, shen, arine, vee and me only this time i was on speakerphone.ive shrinked into a techno voice system you guys. sheesh. dont worry sayang you guys will be fine.superbly fine and make sure to bully the juniors for me. haha. though i think shen might not have the guts to do so (: i want to be there.i need to be there.fuc lah.

WE are BACK

&

we're

seniors

p/s:

belle is soo gay

arine is soo yeaay

shen is soo beh

christina is soo X-rated

we farking love and miss you, QYNA! =)

most popular folk parody duo is qyna and him

i hate dentals.sakit hell.shit lah.owwwwwwwwwwwwwww bangang bangang bangang.i need something to distract me pronto.so i said why not i write a post instead? lets see i think arine has a severe problem.you are clearly attractd to kids and you look mother-ishly mature to be a mom.remember the time when dr f tagged us and one of them came up as ''arine looks like a mom'' well it is true then.unlike me.im an immature raccoon who listens to she's so hot boom and watches flight of the concords and gazes on indian medical surgeons (thinking of how they are too deep-set to be clasically handsome) well i have to be mentally prepared for india.triple sighs.anyhow m sure you are eager to go bac to college.at last after three weeks you and sub can see each other again.well as for me i am still opting to stay there but i guess i can always dream and i can always ''imagine'' being with you guys. i met a friend yesterday whos currently in a college in uk under petronas. wow her and boo me.i am a born loser who eats meiji panda biscuits and writes disgusting post in her joint blog.and on top of that what ticks me even more is the the fact that my mom and my brother made me search for a guy named afiq in college whos a brother to ray's friend.urm do i even look like i care? no. turns out his name was not afiq after all.well i dont have adequate time to be devotedly curious about his presence in this world.i have loads of stuffs to do like eating grass or astroturfs in space or building a funky sequined spacesuit. oh or doing my homework. until then guys.

love is like a roll of tape

its real good for making two things one

but just like that roll of tape love sometimes breaks off before theyre done

another way that love is similar to tape (that ive noticed) is sometimes its hard to see the end you search on the roll you search on the roll with your fingernails again and again

again and again and again

so belle and arine dear,buy more cellotapes in case youre short of them in the future (if uu know what i mean) haha.

when you talk different languages

Lets go to the tailor, I want to make your baju kurung for kakak's wedding. mama's call showered me with utter boredom. especially when i'm playing this computer game with Luqman. it'd take no time. i dragged my feet and followed. reaching the tailor's place, i shut up hearing mama discussing the best style. they look at me for my opinion. and all i said was "nak baju kurung biase je boleh tak? taklaa segan nak pakai bebanyak kali" as expected, they went on discussing, my point is irrelevant. huhu. i can't even picture what they have in mind.
out of sudden i saw a little kid crawling from beneath the table. she pulled my sweater. u like it? i asked. she muttered some words in mandarin. right. i take that as a yes. yeah, i think she's about one or two yrs. her feet got stuck in some plastic bag. let me help, i said. and she stared at me as if i'm an alien while i removed that plastic frm her feet. she crawled to the door with a view of the road outside. i looked at the two women in front of me, deep in discussion, and i silently went to sit beside that little kid. she pointed at a couple walking together outside passing by, muttered some mandarin words and laughed. people in love, we're just to young to understand right?, i said to her. haha, she won't understand, i bet. but then she listened to what i said so attentively and nodded. she muttered some more words. soon, i find myself actually having a conversation with a child who just learnt how to talk, and we're actually talking two different language. she commented on every person passing by, and listened attentively to my comment, sometimes nodding, sometimes shaking her head. if i make a joke, i'll laugh and she'd laugh too. Haha. Interesting. I even get to teach her this game of who-hits-the-other-person's-hands-first. Man, i like to see her laugh. she's so cute.
she was laughing so loud that mama realised i wasn't there listening to the discussion anymore. i was so afraid mama might scold me for being impolite, but her smile melted mama's heart. fine, play with her if u want to. i taught her how to high five for the first time. we make a great team, i told her. and she nodded. she's one smart kid.
suddenly she pulled my hand towards some table where she showed me her treasures. haha..big legos. right. she directed me specifically to pick up each piece and discussed with me how to put them together. she pointed and muttered mandarin words again, and i go, taklaa..camni lagi best. and when she disagrees she would shake her head so seriously. haha. fine, u're the boss, i said. when every piece is finally used, i clapped my hands and offered another high five. she muttered some words again. she dissappeared under some other tables again. yeah, i guess she's bored with me already. no hard feelings. she's just a kid. as i stood up to go back, i heard she called me in some way. haha. she was searching for one missing piece. she found it! yeah!
we put that last piece together and high fived. she laughed again. i smiled. time to go, mama called. yeah, and i heard the tailor called that little kid, "mady-ha". i was like, wo, never heard of such chinese names before. when i said bye2, she went and kissed mama's hand. when i offered my hand, she made this dissappointed face and held on my sweater, giving this don't-go look. but yeah, have to leave anyway.
in the car i told mama, she has a weird chinese name right. like "mady-ha" mama laughed. her name is madihah dear. huh? how come a chinese got some islamic name as like a name? mama laughed. she's frm china, her parents are chinese-muslims, her mum works there and her dad is studying in uia. haha, we had something in common after all. turns out mama left her bag at the shop we had to turn back. i ring the bell and waited for someone to open the door, and guess who saw me first? my smart little buddy. she ran excitedly to the door. her mum unlocked the door and immediately she pulled my sweater, so that i had to sit beside her. her mum laughed. do you know each other? she asked me. i laughed and nodded. we'd meet again someday buddy, but i have to go,i said to her. i know this is stupid but i think she understood what i said, cause she let go my sweater, and gave me a friendly handshake. haha....right, today i made a great friend who is very well...little? :)

Life For Rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...

flight of the concords

''i am sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl with a kebab''

sorry for not updating that much guys.i am so busy nowadays and my life is in a puddle of stepped cupcakes.let me see.my brother ray is back.thanks a bunch ray for the dvd ''flight of the concords'' its killing me already. and he mentioned a couple of times of being classically handsome now that he is an official mat salleh. oh and the us accent? its bloody classic.i am into bloody british indies and that explains i am accentuating bloody british accent too. sounds stupid. anyhow now he can play the guitar with me singing jason mraz i'm yours beside him.suara katakku ini agak merdu katanya. then there was rugby between mckk and the so-called super kacak star on saturday. so off we went to ipoh to see my kedot bengot who's playing rugby for his school.pretty impressive that they lost tho.i wasnt at all surprise about the result of the game.but then my kedot bengot did his best and we were very proud of him.cherios little brother.then there was bowling between tkc and mckk.and as usual my mom and i? we suck hard.no fair lah.i wna be a boy and be in their mckk group (:

Man. I intend to stay awake tonight to finish Malaysian Studies, so that I feel that it would be worth it to watch Hellboy 2 tomorrow. Haha. I wonder if i'd survive. In the failure of finding infos, I settle down on writing another entry. :)
^_^ days have been unproductive. Totally. keep telling myself to study, but i ended up watching buffy, (hey, that rhymes). yeah. i'm nt even halfway thru season 4, i wanna watch until season 6. u knw something weird? a lot of ppl actually populate my home these days. in the mornings it will be filled by these construction workers that never stops drilling, and at nights there's ppl visiting.
i guess lots of things have been bothering my mind. like there are a whole lot of things awaiting that i feel like just running away from, but i know, no escape. and then how i need to cope with a lot of stuff. and the past on the move of invading the present. it's not harmful btw, just I dunno, weird? and then next in list, this insecurity feeling that keeps popping frm nowhere. and yeah, i tend to react and assume a lot. assumptions can be damaging. possibly because i just don't get myself these days. i mean, yeah, i dunno what's missing in the puzzle, so i can't find the remedy.
but hey its not all rain and no sunshine. huhu. there's lots of sunshine, and i have no space to complain. i mean i laugh a lot, really. i mean, it doesn't suck that much from it used to. there's a sanctuary that keeps me away from stuff stated above. haha. i guess that's the gud thing of not walking your own road. you don't feel that terrible when things go wrong, or if u have a feeling it would.
i guess i hv this fear in me i don't understand. maybe i just need to figure it all out. and maybe a good night's sleep might help. Haha. I know. I'd forget about all work and play until Hellboy 2 ends 2mrw. then i'd think of struggling through the heaps of work i should have finished by now. :) okay. so what now? I'm going to bed after Regina Spektor's song ends.

Just Let Everything Fall In Place..

I dreamt that I was shot and left to die. That woke me up. I ran downstairs. "What time are we going to the airport?" Luqman and kakqilah stared at me blankly. "Now?"
"AAAAAAA! Why didn't u wake me up?" I ran upstairs. By the time I'm halfway through, I heard Luqman's voice calling from downstairs, "Tipu la! " teruk gler...dah laa org baru mimpi kene tembak, pastu tipu orang pepagi. Haha. Takdek keje tul bebudak ni.
We were to send Dek Yah to bandung thatday. She's the first to go overseas in the family. Everyone was there. I think most of them were kinda sad, but Tokwan starts with this funny questions I think from his kampung. But haha, at the end when she was going in the departure area, I started seeing red eyes over here and there. "Macam satu kampung hantar die.." I heard some stranger said. I was standing quite far frm there thanks to Balqis who keeps pulling me around the airport.
This time I let her, cause then I wouldn't think of the sadness coming silently in me. haha.. Like, Dek Yah is one of my closest cousins ever. The 1990s trio. Haha..funny. Everyone was like screaming her name until she vanished from sight..the superstar moment. Hehe. Can't imagine when my time comes. If it ever happens. The touching part? This week there were fights here and there, but because we're letting Dek Yah go for a very long time, everyone came back together. I see Tokwan smiling a lot when all my cousins surrounded him, I mean, we miss him when he went away. and even little fairuz gave this 1 minute + kiss on his cheek. Haha. maybe that'd made him think twice before going away again.
But I got some flu and a cold that very same day. and the rest of the day was sleeping. Huhu.
Now? Feeling better. With that 2330 curfew last night. Yeah, fine. That works. Although I spent quite sometime staring at the ceiling before falling asleep.
I guess this week will be finishing all the abandoned homeworks. so..gotta go!

when life becomes a something like a soap opera

u know what soap operas are like? u just have conflicts happening from all the unexpected angles. and the weird part of it? when it is supposed to be ugly, all that came about the family discussion is

"Name a mammal that is larger than a whale?"

haha..i'll let u guys to figure it all out.but figuring it out can give you good or bad effects. Good: it can be a therapy to chuck out all the things bothering out of your mind, but then the bad effect? u'll be so annoyed when u know the answer with all the troubles u've gone through thinking.

"their city, their rules, no prisoners.."

just finished watching narnia for the fifth time..i guess. i still strongly think that king edmund is way hotter than prince caspian. his acsent is such a turn-off. as for high king peter, who is always the one to shout "for narnia, for aslan...". i find it pretty amusing.haha. but i salute his brave-ness and he too, is considered H.o.T. sorry caspian, "it will never work because i'm 1300 years older than you".among the best break-up phrase evr. oh dear, enough on narnia.

enjoying my holidays. soo not. stuck at home 24-7.haih. at least i gt wimbledon to accompany my unproductive days. i'm soo into tennis rite now. somehw, i realised that tennis dudes are damn good looking. it's not just bout the looks, but tennis hs caught my attention. quite interesting, maybe i should start playing it.hehe. we'll have to wait and see;p a big fan of rafa, novak, andy murray, gasquet, and of course fed eX. devastated; all the top4 seeded for womens didn't make it to quarter final and so did novak, plus gasquet. shocking year i shall say. but i still have high hopes on both asians; zheng and tanasugarn. hope they'll get through it. wimbledon roxx!

last sunday, i went to visit my mom's bestfriend's son at sunway med centre, with my mom and sisters. at the car park, something caught my eyes. thers a car with damn cool stickers. christina, you'l love this one dear. suddenly, reminds me of mr h--. sad. we won't be seeing him, he's pillowy b--anymore.haha.lets just say that the man needs to study at a place far-far away from our secluded forest.

p/s : xtina hun, go buy the same sticker. i don't mine if you want to stick it all over our chalet. ;)

-love, belle-