I Just Need To Type Out Words..

Right now, it's late, and I'm alone in a room that is in a devastated state just like I am :) Hahah. Bapak just went outstation..again. But he's got work as far as USA and well, I think the alarm will ring again tonight. Unless, the regular burglar who used to steal the shoes we purposely put outside for disposal is not patient enough to wait for my lights to go off tonight, or for Luqman to stop watching football. Kakqilah's sick but the doctor tells her to eat ice cream and cold drinks. Mama is as always, tired when coming home, and Abang, being rather pious lately, is anxious for his results. Kakak, too, overworked and her friend who is our temporary occupant probably is sound asleep by now.
I just watched Cheaper By Dozen 2 and well, the last words caught me in the eye, "The hardest thing for a parent to do is letting go." I wonder too. How does it feel for my parents when all of us are growing up and day by day, share less and less things with her. And when we're all away to pursue in our lives, how would she feel coming back to an empty house?
You see, I think I've got two great parents that loves their children and provide us all not just a house, but a home. I'd be scolded if I miss dinner sometimes, cause well, that's basically our quality time together. But sometimes I wonder, what will happen to our family in the future then. I bet Kakak will be marrying soon, she's 24, Abang's gonna be some doctor far from us all, Kakqilah would be going to UK this year, probably I would, next year (if I focus :)) and well, Luqman, I know he'll go far, with such a creative mind and his social skills :)
Bapak once said, "Your family is everything to you, without family you're a nobody. Neglect your family means you're neglecting yourself" and I know his words are really deep. I miss him a lot when he's away. I know everyone does. The part of him buying souvenirs at the Malaysian airport no matter where he goes. It's funny, really. Or probably he'd buy us some university t-shirts and all.
I've been living apart from my family since secondary school, but then I never felt safer, going to sleep at night, knowing, kakqilah's still awake watching Smallville, my parents sleeping soundly next door(and would silently turn the lights off and tuck us in when we fell asleep with the tv and lights on), Kakak, still talking at the phone the other side next door, Abang, probably praying or reading and Luqman, watching football until it's late.
At times I sense some pain, in them, I don't know what or why, but they'd simply hide it under a smile or laughter, and let it off, not talking about it.
And the most important thing is that no matter where I go, I know I'd have a home to go back to. And it's peculiar how a dining table can make you feel so safe when all the chairs are occupied. And I can never forget Tokwan, always looking forward, always keeping the big family together. How he'd chat about politics or suddenly thought of going to Sunway Lagoon, and taking all the rides, with diabetes and many complications in his body. I admire how Tokwan can enjoy life with all the things he have to go through. And not forgetting Embah, our tough grandma, that I can describe in only one word-UNIQUE.
And well, cousins, that are simply FUN to be with. :) Each with their own personality.
I guess, that's why family means a lot to me. Cause I grew up in one that values togetherness more than anything.
:) Sorry Belle and Qyn for filling up with craps about family and stuff..yeah but you girls are right, really, i am a family person. Hahah. Later.

Arine :)