new bro-in-law, married big sister. what do u need? *wink

places suitable enough to cam-whore all u want :)

some degree of "sisterly" accomplishment..=p i owe tht to u 2 hanis! haha. *wink

friends

a cake. cakes..actually :)

hehe..this one is a special..a guy with five wives. hahah. dh lebih quota tu. =p

the adik2 and parents

the fountain

hantaran ^_^

the venue for the reception

sad faces to let the bride go :(

huge family

beautiful welcoming pathway complete with the red carpet ^_^

huge family..again.

real efficient bunge telur managers ^_^

devoted flower girls who are really excited about their jobs =p

and lastly, the bride and the groom :D (they came to the reception on a golf cart btw ^_^) ,

well then, 27.12.2008, kakak officially became someone's wife. haha. yerp. tht sounds really nice, but strange at the same time.:) and with the VERY big family from all sides and also almost one kampung frm bapak's side came ( cz theyre all family), and also UM staff, tkcians, indiana uni, urmm..kakak's friends and it goes on and on and on, u can imagine how a huge place was needed somehow. so it was a golf club. the wedding reception was nice in a way that, kakak n mahir came in a golf cart (that almost couldnt brake) and then they walked down this pathway with flower girls leading, and her adik2 trailing behind the best man and the bridesmaid, across a fountain and to their pelamin, which is really beautiful. and yeah they get abang making a speech of reminiscence of her childhood days, and bapak + mama too. and yeah, kakak's married on the same day my parents' marriage turns 26 years. ^_^ and i guess everything ended good. i know it did. now its all left to mahir's side. :)
and yeah, how could i ever forget this pic? the last all singles pic with kakak :D

selamat pengantin baru kakak. may you be blessed with happiness and loads of kids =p and also maybe a ps for ur wedding gift, so that we can always come and play whenever we come visit u at ur new home. =p haha. why dont ppl give that for weddings? =p

felt like ure losing yourself? like you dont know yourself anymore sometimes? like u hate what u like, and like what u hate? u become such a disgusting person but people still think ure miss goody two shoes? and u sleep like uve eaten of sleeping pills so that time just pass without u? why does everything seems to be at the edge? like it just needs one thing to push you over and down will you fall. right at the bottom of the valley. sometimes i dont see that light of hope anymore. coz all i see is darkness. and misery. i just want to get away. fast. i quit trying to do everything im supposed to do and make it as if i wanna do all that. i just wanna..let go.

i wonder if u understand

once upon a time, there was this stranger who was lost in the Sahara desert. every second she was careful, cause she was afraid of whatever you always find in deserts that can kill you. like those scary poisonous snakes...or scorpions that can just kill you with one sting. and the fears can never end, because, they are always everywhere. and they dont warn her if they want to attack. and because she doesnt know a thing about deserts, her mind was only full of insecurity. until one day she stumbled into a spider, that was supposed to scare her to the edges. but somehow it didnt. it just minded its own business building its own web. cause she was desperately lonely, somehow she talked the spider, and it became her friend. her confidante. her hope to just move on and find the way out. and this idea started to plant in her mind, that maybe, just maybe, the creatures that are so-called deadly werent that harmful after all. but then the spider is always a mystery to her, because she knows that the spider doesnt look at the world the way she does. unlike her, the spider seems to take life so smoothly and always stiffen up. the spider always knows how to survive. even if the spider is way smaller than her, it is much stronger.

what if one day the stranger felt that there's no way out to her misery, and everything seems to be at the end. and she starts to hate the person she's becoming? and because she doesnt want that spider to see her that way, she feels like leaving it? what if one day her last drop of water dried and she knows she's going to die anyway but then she doesnt want to die in front of the spider? just somewhere else, not in front of it?

so she stood up and took step by step away from the spider. one step, two steps, three...four....five, six steps, seven. eight, nine...ten. and then she suddenly stops. and she wonders if she would hurt the spider just by leaving like that. but the spider can never tell her if she matters. and if she was going to die, the last thing she would want to do is hurt the spider, in ways she can never imagine. so, she turns back and ran back to it. and there it is, just minding its web as usual. and she sat there and talked to it like nothing really happened. like she never intended to leave it. and she wonders if the spider knows. but like always, its a mystery to her. a complete mystery. and the mystery is the reason she left, and the reason she came back.

and she wonders, if she will stay like this forever?

thinking

why do people always try to be beautiful? someone told me cause people are amazed with beauty, and beauty are always admired, it makes you different, makes you seen. and there's a whole lot of ways to be beautiful, maybe the way you look, or the way you write or probably your own original music. and she said to me that im asking the wrong question. she said the right question is, if it is worth all the trouble. is it?
then, why do clowns want to appear stupid, funny or even freaky? cause when they do wear all the paintings on their faces, being stupid is legal. they get away doing stupid stuff.
like the way a girl wears a snow white costume in a Disneyland parade and get to skip around singing her songs, she gets away being snow white, talking to animals. she wont if she isnt dressed that way.
so if a girl wears make up, she gets away with doing something too right? but then what do they get away with?

tell me

:)
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tell me, do you think a person is a mess with all that?

light on-david cook

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn`t be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there`s no point in grieving
Doesn`t matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know i`m leaving

Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Something i rely on to get home
One i can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it`s late at night you can look inside
You won`t feel so alone

You know we`ve been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don`t know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that i have ever believed in

Sometimes it feels like we`ve run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brainYou`ll start my heart again
When i come along

life issues ^_^

well, here i am. 2.06 am in the morning writing a post. :D haha. just finished taking some superhero test, and i got some unknown superhero called green lantern. :p unidentified.
today i found an interesting phrase-"kedai emas bergerak". haha. used for ppl who wears bling2 stuff :) man, i like tht term. tatau nape.:p right now, im hearing this song "innocent" by avril. one song tht i never get bored of. but i dont really hear it as often as i used to. i dont know, i guess thts why i keep repeating it since just now. ^_^ ever felt tht things just go right all the time, and u dont want those things to change? like the way u knw, u enjoy doing things u do as a kid, and then u have to grow up, and cannot do that anymore? wish peter pan exists sometimes, but yeah, i know its a fairy tale. :) guess sometimes i just dont wanna leave my shell, cz i just love it so much, even if other ppl dont. but out there there's like a lot of other things ready to be experienced too. and it can be done only without that shell. hehe. id miss things being all simple, but life isnt right? i mean, i find happiness in really simple stuff, like watching the rain, or even playing or running under it. or haha, this may be unbelievable, but making the escalators with sensors move when they stop, at the curve. :D or playing stupid game of darts at luqman's room. or watch abang playing jiwang songs, and hearing luqman change the lyrics at the same time. :p but things cant just stay tht way i guess. ^_^ i mean, i cant deny tht im real happy getting like an original mp4 tht has loads of functions and like i have dreams of my own that are not that simple to make them reality. and to have to think of feelings, other ppl's, my own. its like one thing i can never really understand. heh. ive got loads to learn ahead. but for now..i like everything the way it is :) and probably change..id deal with it when it comes.:D

miss Y.O.U

haha.just a hunch.do i like him?that's the question.do i?

well, this nonsense started today actually. i took a nap and dreamt about someone. someone who'd been gone for a few months now. just a normal dream, nothing fancy, not even close to romantic movies. how i wish it would be. haha. after that not-so-wonderful-adventure but definitely a memorable one, i realised something. one real fact i'd been denying the entire of semester2. i miss this particular person. yes, im admitting to the whole wide world, i miss him a lot. wow! never thought he meant that much to me. i guess he does after all. once i work my a** off to london, maybe i'll visit him at whereheisnow. and as for the big question upthere, i shall get my answer soon but not now. later guys.



love, belle

BNM orientation-Lanai Kijang

BNM scholars with Dato' Zamani. ^_^

fizerk-belle-arine. lanai kijang, dec 2008. cam-whoring n merayau tengah2 malam :D quoting somebody (*wink to belle) but well our attempt to make a nostalgic pic is spoiled by belle. haha. ^_^

BNM orientation..in the middle of the hols. the time pak leh tells us to write why we were there..i wrote, "like i have a choice?" but then, there were many things beyond my expectations that happened. one thing for sure..single bedroom all to yourself? wo. and the FOOD! Its as if they know what my fave food is. and the activities are all like..new. ^_^ so even if i dont seem interested, i did get a lot from the programme. and i wont define "a lot", its very subjective. *wink. but seriously, i did. even if i gave stupid answers whenever i was asked and besides that, i keep my mouth shut. cause i guess inside, my mind was racing and just defining everything from my own angle. but well, in a way, i was inspired.=D but i wont tell u how cz its in a very peculiar way. haha. okay i think i should get some sleep before i get crazy. night :)

when it rains and u cant watch qurban, we shifted towards cineleisure instead ^_^

aqil masuk toilet perempuan =D safety measures *wink

4 girls and 1 guy

before karaoke =P

cheaper by the dozen minus one. but kak mizah tngkp gambar, jdk tinggal 10 inside the pic ^_^

raye haji kt rumah tokwan, usually we'd watch korban tepi masjid, than we'd do crazy stuff. last time was futsal. today was MOVIES ^_^ so knowing how empty cineleisure would be at 11 + + am, we headed there, cz it was raining. =D cheaper by the dozen minus one. =P and then karaoke followed ^_^ and of course, thriller movies at rumah tokwan ^_^ haha. thats the way of raye-ing with cucu tokwan. peace =D

roti bakar telur cheese. sedap gler =D

bought this tshirt with this writing on it today =) found it in FOS, One Utama. but i dunno whts with me and green these days. ^_^ and yeah i tasted this really delicious food today. its called: roti bakar telur cheese =) cn be found only in sri hartamas ^_^

bye2 old furniture..hello IKEA!! ^_^

dream shopping list. sorry ikea for wasting ur paper. ^_^ luqman nye keje =P

candid =P abang nye keje

this is what happens when we shift rooms. throw all the furnitures that we have been using since like...the time i didnt exist yet..and buy new ones ^_^ *wink*

nostalgic =p

cant find me there:p not in the pic. its raye last year which i went back early cz i hv extra classes fr spm ^_^. nice huh?

words.its been a while.

guess it has been a while right? someone used to tell me that if i ask this question "have i changed?" than im being arine. cz i dont wanna change entirely. there's some parts of me that are very stubborn in terms of staying with myself. and theyre not all good. like the fact that i never really keep up to what i say. it rhymes with i cannot be trusted. but theres the good ones too, and that, maybe that id keep it to myself. :) so, like since its been a long time since im filling this up with craps, have to admit, i miss this blog. truth is, seeing how many people reads this blog freaks me out for a sec. it makes me feel a little bit too exposed. thats why, i went away for a break somewhere. i guess. but hey, im back. ^_^
so, like, back to my simple question. have i changed? i dont know either. but things around me do change a lot with the exception of a few. still that same old girl who's a mess, has this talent of dissappointing people, but still looking for some space to learn to let her guard down more frequently and be more open to the world. still wanting to be normal but me, and that is like very hard. still struggling to keep up to identities that are not mine, but yeah, once in a while, break free from it. okay, do i sound like a depressed girl now? cause, honestly i dont intend to make this all-depressing. but i cnt lie to u. im not another sunshine that brightens ppl's day ^_^
hehe. maybe i should shift the subject and not make it me. :) well, there's a tired little brother (who is not that little) --> hey, thats an oxymoron! (i think) lying on my bed, sleeping really soundly, cause his room is dusty, not in order, and his bed is even somewhere else. u knw why? coz kakak's getting married in a few weeks, and yeah, his room and abang's are going to be turned into the new married couple's room, while abang gets the renovated guest room, and luqman takes kakak's room, which is quite near to mine. oh, he just woke up, and went off. =p probably hungry.
and yeah, out of all nights, i dreamt last night of an adventure. its a long time since i get that thrill in my bones when i wake up in the morning. u knw? i dreamt that i got this whole VERY magical diamond in my hands that can change the world. and i had to protect it from, anyone called human. cause in each person, there's this hidden greed, no matter how good they are. but the thing is, im human too, and i have greed too, in me. but the dream didnt really end. so, i have no ending for it. :) glad the imagination is coming back. speaking of dreams, during this bnm orientation in lanai kijang last week, we had to stand up and tell everyone else our dream, what we imagine ourselves to be five years from now. say it in present tense, he says. huhu. that particular session makes me see how unambitious i am :D but to me, thats not bad. some ppl hv big dreams, but some ppl just want everything simple (and thats a big dream too). but yeah, i finally say it out loud of what i really want. :) in five years time, id be seeing most of europe and middle east ! okay, id be satisfied with europe, and one place in the middle east. fine, two. okay, three. but the number three place is so impossible to pass by cz there's wars between jews and muslims there. i know its possible. i think it is. i just need to get a place in a uk university. :) dreams can come true right? if u dream it right.
btw, this is SO amazing! belle-->congrats for the conditional offer of your dream university!!! ^_^ hehe.
okay i shud go. bye2