Monday, 16 March 2009
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Monday, 26 January 2009
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Saturday, 24 January 2009
i tried recalling today again. it's like watching some low quality pirated dvds. some parts are slowed down as if i dont want it to end, some parts just pass by as fast as light. its my memory. i guess i put it the way i want it. even if i dont realize it. dinner was fast and slow. slow because all the food i love are laid on the table. why fast? cause while i was eating, i was wondering if the two people in front of me could see through my eyes and tell what im really feeling. it makes me a bad person i think. and i dont want to be bad. but im not perfect too. i get angry too. i have feelings too. and coming back because i have to is very different from if i want to. and when the two people started to find faults in each other, and started finding faults in the other people on the table, it frustrated me in a way. i thought they could read me like a book. but maybe im this book that is full of wordsworth's poetry, especially poems like "nutting" that they dont get me anymore, they just have vague ideas about me.
i tried to shift to another portion of today. a person i thought will never talk to me said hello to me randomly today. and i guess i was too surprised to actually respond appropriately. but since the first time i saw her i think she's unpredictable. yet i admire her for her boldness, to just show herself without worrying of what other people think. thats one thing i can never do. "i know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are" sam montgomery said in "A Cinderella Story". haha. watched it with belle while waiting for bapak to come pick me up today. i remembered saying how the movie is such a fairy tale, it'll never happen in reality. but i wonder why i always watch this movie, the way i keep watching that peter pan movie. i dont know.
christina and i won because our prediction was right over belle's and shen's. i remembered looking at the person speaking and how that person reminds me of another person who likes the song my mp4's playing now, the song "Home" by Daughtry. if i ever have a wish, maybe id wish that i could say three words. im really sorry. haha, whatever. im writing craps.
and as my sleepy head is crawling back in, i should just mention dayang. dayang's finally chose the male cat for her, dewa. haha. she's so fat now, and not exactly a cat you consider polite. but of all, i really feel sorry for comel. he's getting old now. real old. we tried helping him with his ulcer problem, but he's too old to do anything. he's such a brave cat. i dont care if he's smelly now, but he's still the macho-est cat in the world. :D i remembered that rabbit luqman showed me. theyre so fragile and cute. maybe we'd start keeping rabbits one day. :)
and bapak showed me an article about israel today. why theyre way ahead when the ratio of muslims and jews are like 1: 100+ . i wonder what it feels like to be at Gaza this moment. i think theyre really tough. i dont know if id ever survive such circumstances. and bapak talks about studying hard that one day, maybe, just maybe, we could have the power to be able to influence the course of events in the world. its the knowledge, he says. it comes with power. and with power comes responsibility. and we are responsible of each other.
and i think im gonna sleep with sami yusuf's song reminding me of where i belong.
i free u from my night time craps :p
Friday, 23 January 2009
10.5 anniversary. one of the craziest night i ever experienced in kyuem. quoting belle, "we were really high" haha. i didnt remember laughing that much for a long time since this anniversary. i like the part where i get to eat a whole lot of lasagna cause the people sitting at my table didnt really eat much :D and belle was extra evil that night. hehe. suke hati je aku kutuk ko kat blog kan belle? :p and yeah we had a great laugh when shen thought that orde kosmos in the invitation card was the theme instead of the venue. and ironically my sweater was all full of stars that night, matching the decoration on the tables and the walls. yeah and belle got an idea of pasting all the decorations all over me. yeah. yeah. i agreed for it in exchange for a LARGE PIZZA :D but i think the 11.5s did a splendid job of organizing the anniversary. it was simple and fun. and there was really good food :) :) and the entertainment was cool too. ^_^ and if it wasnt for amanda, id be going back all the way to the chalet with a big star pasted on my head without me noticing. it was a conspiracy!!! no one said anything..at all!! :p haha. but yeah, it was a great night right? ^_^ cant believe its one year already. and we're reaching the ending..almost. and i guess im saying something i dont think i had in mind one year ago. i think im gonna miss this place, cause its full of all the memories i dont think i wanna forget.
p/s : haha arine.js edit one thing here.sorry for the intrusion.-belle
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Monday, 29 December 2008
and lastly, the bride and the groom :D (they came to the reception on a golf cart btw ^_^) ,
well then, 27.12.2008, kakak officially became someone's wife. haha. yerp. tht sounds really nice, but strange at the same time.:) and with the VERY big family from all sides and also almost one kampung frm bapak's side came ( cz theyre all family), and also UM staff, tkcians, indiana uni, urmm..kakak's friends and it goes on and on and on, u can imagine how a huge place was needed somehow. so it was a golf club. the wedding reception was nice in a way that, kakak n mahir came in a golf cart (that almost couldnt brake) and then they walked down this pathway with flower girls leading, and her adik2 trailing behind the best man and the bridesmaid, across a fountain and to their pelamin, which is really beautiful. and yeah they get abang making a speech of reminiscence of her childhood days, and bapak + mama too. and yeah, kakak's married on the same day my parents' marriage turns 26 years. ^_^ and i guess everything ended good. i know it did. now its all left to mahir's side. :)
and yeah, how could i ever forget this pic? the last all singles pic with kakak :D
Friday, 26 December 2008
Thursday, 25 December 2008
what if one day the stranger felt that there's no way out to her misery, and everything seems to be at the end. and she starts to hate the person she's becoming? and because she doesnt want that spider to see her that way, she feels like leaving it? what if one day her last drop of water dried and she knows she's going to die anyway but then she doesnt want to die in front of the spider? just somewhere else, not in front of it?
so she stood up and took step by step away from the spider. one step, two steps, three...four....five, six steps, seven. eight, nine...ten. and then she suddenly stops. and she wonders if she would hurt the spider just by leaving like that. but the spider can never tell her if she matters. and if she was going to die, the last thing she would want to do is hurt the spider, in ways she can never imagine. so, she turns back and ran back to it. and there it is, just minding its web as usual. and she sat there and talked to it like nothing really happened. like she never intended to leave it. and she wonders if the spider knows. but like always, its a mystery to her. a complete mystery. and the mystery is the reason she left, and the reason she came back.
and she wonders, if she will stay like this forever?
Sunday, 21 December 2008
then, why do clowns want to appear stupid, funny or even freaky? cause when they do wear all the paintings on their faces, being stupid is legal. they get away doing stupid stuff.
like the way a girl wears a snow white costume in a Disneyland parade and get to skip around singing her songs, she gets away being snow white, talking to animals. she wont if she isnt dressed that way.
so if a girl wears make up, she gets away with doing something too right? but then what do they get away with?
Friday, 19 December 2008
Friday, 12 December 2008
Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn`t be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there`s no point in grieving
Doesn`t matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know i`m leaving
Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Something i rely on to get home
One i can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it`s late at night you can look inside
You won`t feel so alone
You know we`ve been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don`t know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that i have ever believed in
Sometimes it feels like we`ve run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brainYou`ll start my heart again
When i come along
today i found an interesting phrase-"kedai emas bergerak". haha. used for ppl who wears bling2 stuff :) man, i like tht term. tatau nape.:p right now, im hearing this song "innocent" by avril. one song tht i never get bored of. but i dont really hear it as often as i used to. i dont know, i guess thts why i keep repeating it since just now. ^_^ ever felt tht things just go right all the time, and u dont want those things to change? like the way u knw, u enjoy doing things u do as a kid, and then u have to grow up, and cannot do that anymore? wish peter pan exists sometimes, but yeah, i know its a fairy tale. :) guess sometimes i just dont wanna leave my shell, cz i just love it so much, even if other ppl dont. but out there there's like a lot of other things ready to be experienced too. and it can be done only without that shell. hehe. id miss things being all simple, but life isnt right? i mean, i find happiness in really simple stuff, like watching the rain, or even playing or running under it. or haha, this may be unbelievable, but making the escalators with sensors move when they stop, at the curve. :D or playing stupid game of darts at luqman's room. or watch abang playing jiwang songs, and hearing luqman change the lyrics at the same time. :p but things cant just stay tht way i guess. ^_^ i mean, i cant deny tht im real happy getting like an original mp4 tht has loads of functions and like i have dreams of my own that are not that simple to make them reality. and to have to think of feelings, other ppl's, my own. its like one thing i can never really understand. heh. ive got loads to learn ahead. but for now..i like everything the way it is :) and probably change..id deal with it when it comes.:D
well, this nonsense started today actually. i took a nap and dreamt about someone. someone who'd been gone for a few months now. just a normal dream, nothing fancy, not even close to romantic movies. how i wish it would be. haha. after that not-so-wonderful-adventure but definitely a memorable one, i realised something. one real fact i'd been denying the entire of semester2. i miss this particular person. yes, im admitting to the whole wide world, i miss him a lot. wow! never thought he meant that much to me. i guess he does after all. once i work my a** off to london, maybe i'll visit him at whereheisnow. and as for the big question upthere, i shall get my answer soon but not now. later guys.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
fizerk-belle-arine. lanai kijang, dec 2008. cam-whoring n merayau tengah2 malam :D quoting somebody (*wink to belle) but well our attempt to make a nostalgic pic is spoiled by belle. haha. ^_^